Monday, April 24, 2006

At the top of my hit list...

... is James Blunt. Why on earth do you people like him? Especially you young women? Is it primarily because of his hideous anthem "You're Beautiful", which is blaring from every possible outlet in this city (and most others, I presume)? Yes, it is. I'm right, aren't I? It makes you all feel... special? I really can't understand how a voice like his (*pushes back bile*) is praised as so incredibly gifted. The man sounds like he's feigning opera with that warbly, high-pitched simpering. Hearing his music is like listening to fingernails being run repeatedly across the schoolroom chalkboard, enduring his hideous voice is like having a drill being inserted into my brain. And on top of that, it's as if someone is pouring acid into said hole in my head, effectively killing whatever tolerance I may have had for pop rock in the first place. And then it's as if someone has taken a butterknife, inefficiently sawed the top of my head open, and then stabbed my brain to mush. With the butterknife. The torture of his affected, cutesy style is like witnessing the end of all good music as we know it. If William Hung can sell CDs, it shouldn't surprise me that this off-putting hack can. He annoys me to no end, but am I alone in thinking this way? Is the universe just so taken with him that I'm the strange exception? Blunt indeed.

James: Please die. Or... um, die. Some combination of those two.
Thank you.

EDIT: Sorry, but this is wonderful. Exactly my point. But I'll shut up about Blunt now.

11 comments:

Nick M. said...

I can thankfully admit that I have never heard any of his songs.

Carry on.

Nick M. said...

Oh, and I figured out your Top 2. Oh well -- no surprises for me.

Ali said...

Boo. How did you do it, Mr. Holmes?

Ali said...

Oh, and how have you not heard "You're Beautiful" by now? It's fucking everywhere.

Consider yourself one of the lucky ones.

JavierAG said...

Well I don't know this guy... but then again, I'm not really into music... unless it's Bob Marley, or, um, one of those.

So anyway, is #2 coming? Or are you trying to kill us? Bring it on, please!

jesse said...

Sorry Ali, we're on the same page more often than not, but I'm going to have to STRONGLY disagree here. I've been a fan for a while now (before he made his way to North America), and I admit it's rather annoying that he's everywhere (as you note), but I like his falsetto, and I think he has a knack for expressing a narrative through song.

It took me a while to warm up to "You're Beautiful," but I think "Tears and Rain" and "Goodbye My Lover" are beautiful songs.

If this is truly the end of good music, I think we could do a lot worse. But then, I've never claimed to have anything but rather plebian taste in music in the first place.

Ali said...

Javier - Coming up.

Jesse - You're right. This post was written in an irrational frenzy, after encountering that song three times during the day (either on the radio or on campus). I just can't take much more of it.

I still don't like him, but I agree that we could (and have) done a lot worse.

jesse said...

The MAD TV clip is brilliant. Er...James is brilliant.

I was dying, one way or the other.

Nick M. said...

I just watched the original video; it was funnier than MadTV's.

It's like the worst of ethereal New Age music and schmaltzy 'alternative' (that word is improperly used) collided. Yuck.

Kamikaze Camel said...

Meh, I like him. "Goodbye My Lover" and "No Bravery" are GREAT songs. "You're Beautiful" is one of my least favourite songs of his though.

But surely nothing can be worse than the horrible dreck that is "Bad Day" by Daniel Powter? Thank god that song has finally disappeared from Australia once and for all.

Nick M. said...

I heard it again in a coffee shop yesterday.

I agree, this man must suffer.